Hey there! It’s been a hot minute since I’ve published anything on here… partly because I feel like I lost my creative energy and partly because I’ve just been really bloody tired. Modern-day adult life, right? Anyway, normally I’d be half way through declaring my love for autumn style via a 2000 word essay, but after popping a lil’ poll over on Instagram the majority vote was a gal talk post! And after all, what’s more girly than period chat? I want to share my story in the hope that I can help anyone in the similar situation feel less alone. So here goes (eeek, I’m scared)…
I don’t have periods.
I mean, I did have periods. Up until around 2015 when one month that usual flow just didn’t show. And then again, and again, and again. I was period-less. I honestly didn’t really think about it for the first year or so – to be honest I was reveling in the fact that I was never caught off guard without a tampon and I didn’t ruin any cute underwear (I know you feel me).
But eventually the novelty wore off and I become more aware about how abnormal my lack of period was. It took me until mid 2017 to go back to the doctors and demand blood tests, which surprise surprise, came back abnormal. But when I went in to chat through my results it was a case of ‘you’re not overweight and you’re not trying to conceive so you’re fine‘. Which obviously I was like ok, that’s fine, you’re the professional, and left it at that.
(I just wanna add that before this I was experiencing the worst stomach pain on a daily basis and the doctor I saw at A&E sent me home with laxatives… She was SO WRONG.)
Finally, I was forced back for more tests by those closest to me – apparently not having a menstrual cycle for years isn’t just isolating and embarrassing, but can actually be a sign of something much more sinister. Luckily for me, it’s not life threatening, but my massive imbalances mean that I have to deal with and try to combat some shitty symptoms every day.
Now when people tell you that you shouldn’t take ANYTHING for granted, damn-straight you best listen to them! I breezed through my teens and early 20s pretty much blemish free and boy I wish I’d appreciated it more. Earlier this year my skin went batshit. Literally, i’m not being dramatic these bad boys were huge, painful and spreading like wildfire all over my face.
Now obviously acne doesn’t make you any less beautiful, but we can’t deny that it does knock confidence. I felt like I couldn’t look people in the eye and I avoided leaving the flat whenever I could. Obviously this affected my blog and Instagram content massively too. I had brands emailing me left right and centre, demanding to know where my imagery was. I was pretty much in hiding.
I currently don’t take any medication for my skin but I do try to manage it through diet and supplements.
This has been the hardest thing for me. I’ve always been active and sticking to a healthy diet has never been an issue for me. So when I realised I’d actually gained two stone – TWO STONE – in a year, I was certain something was wrong. I was running constantly and eating nowhere near enough calories to warrant even a pound of weight gain, so what the hell was happening? Oh I’ll tell you – HORMONES. The little devils.
I never eat junk food, but I am absolutely obsessed with anything sweet. Fruit, yogurt, oats… ugh, my absolute dream. I could eat porridge for breakfast lunch and dinner seven days a week. But after being advised that I’m most likely insulin resistant, I’ve had to cut out all sugar from my diet and opt for a high fat/low carb approach. Which FYI, i’m one week in and all I want is a bloody banana!!!!! LITERALLY. I’ve shed tears over my beloved bananas.
I’ve always loved exercise, but when you’re not seeing your active lifestyle reflected in your image it can be very very disheartening. I have a very strict regime and I often avoided social situations because I don’t want to miss a night at the gym. I began to feel embarrassed talking about the gym and my workouts because I figured people thought I was lying. I mean how can someone who works out so much look so squidgy? Well i’m telling you now it’s possible and straight up irritating. But mind over matter, I feel sooo much better after a good sweat-sesh and even if I don’t have abs, at least I know I’m doing all I can.
So what’s next?
I’m determined to get my cycle back naturally and to stop feeling embarrassed by my condition. Weight gain is weight gain and acne is acne and I can still enjoy fashion and creating content regardless.